Unless you’re a Victoria’s Secret model or recovering from mono, trying on swimsuits is really not that fun. I’ve even heard models complain about how they won’t eat or drink anything days before a shoot. (I know, I know, poor models!) Now imagine trying on bathing suits after carrying a child (or two, or three) for nine months and then let’s talk about who really has it worse.
Literally, the last thing I want to do is lug three kids to a mall, especially when the goal is to try on bathing suits. In fact, here are four things I’d rather do than go to the mall and try on a swimsuit under fluorescent lights:
- Wait in line at the DMV.
- Fight with my three year old about not eating mac and cheese for the EIGHTH night in a row.
- Watch a Caillou marathon.
- Give birth naturally in my own home.
And when I polled my favorite mom group (shout out to the #GarbageMoms!), I found I certainly wasn’t alone in this thinking. Some of the responses I got when posing the question about how they feel about going to the store and trying on swimsuits:
- “Unbridled fear.”
- “No way in hell am I going to a store to try on bathing suits.”
- “Fuck. This. Shit.”
We are at a point where we argue about everything related to parenting these days, but it sure seems like one thing we can all agree on is that shopping for swimsuits needs to be radically changed. Yes, many stores like Athleta have super generous return policies. But I still need to shell out $500 for a few suits, try them all on, coordinate with return shipping and pray everything gets put back on my card correctly, which sums up to a big ol’ “ain’t nobody got time for that.” And for every Athleta return policy, there’s a Swimsuits for All, who will only give you back store credit or YOU have to shell out (#nopunintended) for the return shipping.
So, here’s my solution. There’s a try-on service for literally everything – why isn’t there a Stitch Fix or Warby Parker for swimsuits?! Please, for the love of God, somebody send five swimsuits and a bottle of wine to my home so no one hears me crying and I can drink until IDGAF what these suits look like on. Someone get me on Shark Tank, stat. Mr. Wonderful and Mark Cuban will be all over this, I guarantee it. You could even throw in disposable undergarments for the trying on process. (Not that postpartum underwear doesn’t look spectacular sticking out a bathing suit that you are trying on.)
So in a world where literally anything can get delivered to your door for you to try on and then return, why aren’t swimsuits the same way? Retailers of America, you gave us mom jeans that we didn’t even want, can’t you give us something we actually need?