My Breakup Letter with Ipsy

- General Fabulousness, Humor

Dear ipsy,

It’s time we had a talk. A real, honest one. When we first met, things were great. It was such a pleasure to go to my mailbox around the 15th of every month and see that bright magenta mailer. I would get all excited and tingly thinking about what fun surprises may be in it. A new lipstick? A fun nail polish? Ohh, the excitement!

At first, it was sooooo good. We were so in sync, it was like you were in my head. When it was summer and my hair was starting to dry out, you sent me some amazing hair oil without me even having to ask! In the fall, it was beautiful shades of matte red lipstick. Those were great times.

And then things started to change. Like when one of those magenta mailers included black eyeliner. You KNOW I don’t wear eyeliner, ipsy! But, mistakes happen. I get that. But then I got that black eyeliner the next month. And the month after that. And the MONTH AFTER THAT. How many times do I have to tell you in my profile that I don’t want eyeliner anymore?! It’s like you’re not even listening.

Or maybe you’re just too busy and popular to care? Because when we DO talk, it’s all about you. You are BOMBARDING my inbox with emails throughout the month and always so dang pushy about the latest this or the latest that. How about, every once in a while, you ask me what I want, ipsy? Is that so hard to think about someone other than yourself?

It’s pretty clear we no longer share the same interests, ipsy. You’ve changed. You’re at a point in your life where you trying soooo hard to be all young and cute and carefree. “Wear this to the club!” “Use this on your next girls night out!” I’m a mother of three young kids, ipsy. You know I’m not out every weekend clubbing it up. I’m at a get-the-kids-to-bed-and-lets-Netflix-and-chill phase of my life. It’s just not going to work.

It’s over, Ipsy. And for once, it’s not me. It’s TOTALLY YOU. And it’s too late to apologize or to try to win me back. I’ve already started seeing someone new. Our relationship just started, but it sounds promising — five full size, luxury samples based on MY PREFERENCES AND MY NEEDS.

I wish you the best of luck in your future relationships. I hope you take away something positive from our time together.

Love and light,

A

Why I'm Breaking Up With ipsy

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